After much clamoring and crying out, after many poorly recited versions that make
a person cringe with the lack of accuracy, here it is. The most often quoted and
poorly remembered scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail: The Black Knight Scene.
You fight with the strength of many men, Sir Knight.
[pause]
I am Arthur, King of the Britons.
[pause]
I seek the finest and the bravest knights in the land to join me in my
Court at Camelot.
[pause]
You have proved yourself worthy; will you join me?
[pause]
You make me sad. So be it. Come, Patsy.
--None shall pass.
What?
--None shall pass.
I have no quarrel with you, good Sir knight, but I must cross this
bridge.
--Then... you shall die.
I command you as King of the Britons to stand aside!
--I move... for no man.
So be it!
With much vigor the Black Knight attempts to chop Arthur to little bit, but
Arthur is a master swordsman and easily parries all of the Black Knight's swings.
[Arthur chops the Black Knight's left arm off after a short battle]
Now stand aside, worthy adversary.
--'Tis but a scratch.
A scratch? Your arm's off!
--No, it isn't.
Well, what's that then?
--I've had worse.
You liar!
--Come on you pansy!
[Arthur chops the Black Knight's right arm off]
Victory is mine! [kneeling] We thank thee Lord, that in thy merc-
[Black Knight kicks Arthur in the head while he is praying]
--Come on then.
What?
--Have at you!
You are indeed brave, Sir knight, but the fight is mine.
--Oh, had enough, eh?
Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left.
--Yes I have
Look! [pointing at the Black Knight's arms lying on the ground]
--Just a flesh wound
[Headbutts Arthur in the chest]
Look, stop that
--Chicken! Chicken!
Look, I'll have your leg. Right! [whop - off goes the Black Knight's leg]
--Right, I'll do you for that!
You'll what?
--Come 'ere!
What are you going to do, bleed on me?
--I'm invincible!
You're a loony.
--The Black Knight always triumphs! Have at you! Come on then.
[Arthur chops the Black Knight's other leg off]
--All right; we'll call it a draw.
Come, Patsy.
--Oh, oh, I see, running away, 'eh? ... You yellow bastards! Come back
here and take what's coming to you.... I'll bite your legs off!